A House of Consultants

I haven’t been idle since my return from holiday. Far from it. I have had a house full of Consultants, all male, as my daughters disapprovingly pointed out. I intended to photograph them all for you, but it seemed rude, so here is a fish instead.

This is what I have learned so far;

I do not have bats, but they are enjoying eating in my garden

I cannot put my sewage on the mains at the summerhouse (Olivers replacement building) because it is too far to pump it up hill

I cannot have a door to my en-suite bathroom because the conservation officer says so

I cannot move the 1970’s fireplace in my bedroom because the conservation officer says so

I cannot move the Aga because I do not have a chimney place for the flue and to flue externally would be ugly, says the Aga man

I cannot have exposed cables to my light switches as I have too many gangs (that means switches). This is because I have a lot of circuits

I cannot keep my old radiators because a). they are the wrong size b). no one will guarantee them

I have little asbestos, but what I do have will cost over £3000 to remove. That’s about £500 per inch. This excludes VAT

My floorboards are ordinary boring Victorian and a bit too narrow, but they will relay OK and many are salvageable

Postive news:

Perhaps no bats is positive news

All the fish from the leaky pond have a new home (with Steph’s Mum). All are happy after their house move

We have lovely small black toads

Here are the fish being moved. I was on holiday, but many hands make light work.











2 thoughts on “A House of Consultants

  1. Dear Kate

    All very normal, don’t worry.

    Disregard all of the recommendations stated, ignore 50% of the ‘rules’ they can be got around legitimally, I can help you with that, along with the sewage problem also – hopefully.


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